Saturday, May 9, 2009
Coming Distractions May 12th, 2009
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
MI-5 - 3rd Season
Firstly, I just want to warn you that though Taken is rated PG-13, it certainly shouldn't be. What's up with our concept of ratings? It's OK to show 13-year-olds copious violence (as long as there isn't any blood) in movies about girls being kidnapped and sold into prostitution, but you can't have a character just casually mention that they would really love to f**k someone else (and of their own free will!) ??
Secondly, S. Darko. A sequel that never should have been made? At least they replaced all those excellent actors in Donnie Darko with Elizabeth Berkley and that guy from Gossip Girl. This new release got a couple of us at the video store pondering other possibly unnecessary sequels. Do you lovely readers agree with this list?
American Psycho II - All-American Girl: Mila Kunis stars as a young woman inspired to purge the world of evil serial killers after her babysitter has an unfortunate run-in with Patrick Bateman, until she finds she just can't stop herself... Angrier. Deadlier. Sexier.
Speed 2 - Cruise Control: Who wants Bullock without Reeves? Psssshawww...
Basic Instinct 2 - Ten years later, and no one is really lining up to see Sharon Stone's lady bits anymore. Hollywood needs to understand the small window of time in which these things are viable.
All the Saw movies.
2nd Matrix movie, though I do, of course, love my gratuitous mud dance orgies.
Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers - Despite recruiting Pamela Springsteen (Bruce's sister), the gender-bending original really couldn't be topped. Though this sequel does have an especially gag-worthy death-by-outhouse scene...
Cruel Intentions 2: does it count as a sequel if you duplicate scenes from the original exactly, but slap on a few extra naked boobies for variety? I guess I shouldn't question that #2 in the title. Come, see Amy Adams attempt to live up to Sarah Michelle Gellar's legacy! Or just go watch Dangerous Liaisons. It's really a very personal decision.
I won't even start talking about unfortunate remakes, such as The Story of Bonnie and Clyde due out next year with Hilary Duff replacing Faye Dunaway and Kevin Zegers (of Its a Boy/Girl Thing!) as Clyde...
Got any to add, or have I just worn you out with all my kvetching?