Friday, January 16, 2009

Coming Distractions, January 20th, 2009

Will be out next Tuesday, if'n we don't freeze first:

Center Stage: Turn It Up
Max Payne
City of Ember
Saw V
Adam's Apples
Children of Huang Shi
Express: The Ernie Davis Story
Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger

Seven Days recently published questions for their sex survey, which got me to thinking about some of the unsexiest movies that have ever been made.

Anatomy of Hell (Anatomie de l'enfer - 2004)
As it turns out, watching someone when they're unwatchable is pretty hard to watch (who woulda thunk it?) Though this movie clocks in at only 77 minutes, one Waterfront Videon was convinced it was at least an hour longer. I still simultaneously laugh and gag whenever I think of it.

For Keeps? (1988) and 15 and Pregnant (1998, Lifetime) Long before the comparatively glamorous teens of Juno, Molly Ringwald and Kirsten Dunst tackled the difficult issue of teenage pregnancy. Screaming babies, shattered futures, dirty dishes, and overwhelming resentment ensue. What makes these movies so very unsexy, and Anatomy of Hell as well, is that most sexy movies concern themselves with things that might go inside a body, whereas one might say these last 3 are overly interested in things that are expelled from a body. I know, I know, giving birth is a natural and beautiful event, but all political implications aside, For Keeps? (and let's think for a minute about that question mark, later removed from the title) and 15 & preggers, indicate sometimes its better to just not.

I Know Who Killed Me (2007) I love Lindsay Lohan, and though you may not, I'm sure we can agree that Lindsay choking on cigarette smoke, rasping out the words, "Did she ever (expletive) you like that" after her amputee sex scene is pretty darned unsexy (and pretty darned awesome!).

Showgirls (1995) Funny? Yes, extremely. Sexy? No. Unless, perhaps, you're an epileptic fish. Or maybe I'm just hating cause I totally ain't got those moves.

Deliverance (1972) I don't think I need to explain.

Last Tango in Paris
(1972) Were people confusing shocking with sexy? '72 seems to have been a big year for forced sodomy (speaking of which, I highly recommend the Kids in the Hall sketch where a man can't understand the connection his girlfriend is making from the fact that his favorite movies are these last two.) Apart from some good moments of acting from Brando (which doesn't make up for the other insipid characters), what do people like about this movie?

Irreversible (2002) I didn't finish this movie. And I'm not gonna.

Demon Seed
(1997) Julie Christie forcibly impregnated by a super computer! Maybe a little sexy for computers everywhere (though I expect they'd be more stimulated by other technology rather than mammals), not so great for Julie.

As of late it seems this blog has turned into all sex and drugs (the depravity!). For those who miss the innocence of past days, here is another kitten yawning and link for a very cute youtube video. (Hey, at least I refrained from mentioning teledildonic)


Undead Molly said...

Cronenberg springs to mind when I think of anti-sexy movies. Rabid, The Brood, and Shivers. And Dead Ringers. Cripes.

But I think Aswang (The Unearthing) and the short but effective Aftermath (of Aftermath/Genesis) are tied for worst date movies ever. Or possibly 'best' depending on how freaky you like your ladies.

Jenny said...

Adrienne you couldn't be more right on with Deliverance, Showgirls, and Last Tango, so not sexy! Kinda of scary really, and the fact that there is sex involved makes them just a tinge scarier . . . you know what else is not sexy at all The War Zone, ugh. Gonna do a sexy list too?